How To Properly and Effectively Network
Since moving back to the Bay Area, I’ve been spending a lot of time at networking events. They’ve been fun, insightful, and definitely good for personal growth.
But here’s the thing: I’ve seen a lot of people show up to these events the wrong way..
Some show up with good energy. Others? You can tell they’re there to collect contacts like Pokémon cards.
In today’s world, where social dynamics have shifted massively over the last 10 years, networking requires a different approach.
We love making connections — but we hate when they feel forced.
Just like we love buying — but hate being sold to.
So here’s what actually works if you want to make real connections, open doors, and leave people genuinely wanting more (without trying too hard):
1. Stop Asking “So, What Do You Do?”
This is the worst question to lead with. It might as well be:
“How much respect should I give you?”
It immediately turns a potential connection into a status check.
Better options that create authentic dialogue:
“What brought you to the event?”
“Is this your first time coming?”
“Do you know any of the speakers?”
These questions feel natural and human. That’s where real rapport starts.
2. Don’t Over-Promote Yourself or Your Business
We get it — you’re excited about what you do. But throwing your name, pitch, or offer at everyone makes it feel like you’re “sweating from your greed glands.”
When you build a connection based only on business, you’re giving people two choices:
A) “This could benefit me.”
B) “This doesn’t.”
And if they pick B, you’re forgotten or ghosted.
Instead, just be memorable. Be the person who made them laugh, made them feel seen, or left a good impression. That way, when you follow up, they’re not thinking, “What did this person want from me again?”
They’re thinking, “Oh yeah, I liked that person.”
3. Be Interested to Become Interesting
Here’s a cheat code for powerful connections:
Don’t try to impress — try to understand.
Most people just want to feel like someone genuinely cares. So ditch the rehearsed compliments and go deeper:
“What was that like for you?”
“What made you want to start that?”
“Where do you see that going?”
Instead of waiting for your turn to talk, lean in. People will remember how you made them feel — not what you said.
This is what we call a “pattern interrupt.” In a room full of people trying to be heard, you stand out by listening.
4. Use the “Anti-Sell” Approach
This one’s unconventional — but powerful.
When people ask what I do or how they can work with me, I’ll often say:
“Ahh you probably don’t even need me.”
“Honestly, I’ve got nothing to sell you.”
Then I just help them — right there, on the spot. No pitch. No lead capture.
Ironically, that’s exactly what makes people want to work with me.
Because they experience the value before the offer.
No pressure. Just trust, authenticity, and impact.
Story time -
Just the other week,
I was introduced to this gentleman through a mutual friend,
He was dressed nice,
Spoke well, and had a great handshake.
Something told me had had some authority in the room.
I quickly found that to be true..
As the night went on, more and more people men and women would come up, introduce themselves, they’d speak for 45 seconds, one hand shoving their phone in his face (presumably showing an example or demo), a business card in the other hand just itching to give it away, and walk awayawkwardly soon after.
My friend mentions, he’s a Venture Capitalist, his job is to fund and invest into starting companies and founders.
Who he was being approached by, was hungry and striving start-up founders.
A question hit me instantly, how could these eager souls make a real connection and end up getting themselves invested in? In a real way, with real results?
Let me just say, I don’t have a start up, I have a service. I don’t need any investment, but I thought- who wouldnt want to be a friend of this guy? Also, can I do what 13 or so people did wrong, can I make in impression even if it means for later.
So i did, I used these principles in this blog.
I never sold him anything, I never pitched, I did ask him “what was that guys pitch?” and he told me, and I dug deeper “what’re you looking to hear in these pitches?.. What makes a horrible pitch? Have you ever heard a bad one that you ended up investing in?”
- Some laughs shared in between, and that was it.
I saw he had tattoos, asked him about them.
We talked bout The Warriors, shared drinks and that was it.
I left an impression, I didnt leave him my idea or my business.
But im willing to bet, the minute I ask him to dinner or for coffee, he’d be down.
But more so, my odds are light years ahead of any of the 13 folks that came up and actually needed something from him.
**update as i’m writing this my mutual friend just texted me, he was asking if she was going to the next event, and if she we’re bring me. : )
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re trying to grow your business, land a job, meet new people, or just expand your network — the approach is the same:
Be human. Be helpful. Be curious.
When you lead with connection, not conversion, the results speak for themselves.
And remember
…I’ve got nothing to sell you ; )
